❤️💚💙 Three hearts, Three Worlds: The Unique Personalities of My Children

When we become parents, one of the most fascinating discoveries is watching our children's personalities unfold. While we might imagine we'll shape them completely, research suggests that babies are indeed born with temperamental traits that serve as the foundation of their personalities something like a genetic lottery where some tickets say "will sleep through the night" and others read "will test every boundary known to humankind."

As a mother of three children, my oldest son is 7 years and 4 months, my middle son is 4 years and a few months, and my daughter is just a year and a half, I've had a front-row seat to this remarkable phenomenon. Each child arrived with their own distinct temperament from day one, which has only become more defined as they've grown.

The Firstborn Effect

I always wanted my firstborn to be a boy. Being the older sister to a brother myself (5 years younger), I grew up feeling like I was navigating life without the guidance of an older sibling. I watched my cousin, who had an older sister, seem more informed about everything from movies to music, always a step ahead. I wanted my firstborn child to have that confidence and leadership role.

What I've learned through raising my three children is that birth order does influence family dynamics significantly. My oldest, Tur, naturally leads his siblings. We've noticed that focusing on teaching him to be obedient and respectful creates a ripple effect, his younger siblings often follow his example. Child development experts call this "modeling," where younger children observe and imitate their older siblings' behaviors.

The Undivided Attention Phase

The transition from one child to multiple children completely transforms parenting. With Tur as our only child, we kept him, as we say in Serbian, "like a little water on the palm", treasured and constantly attended to. I remember those simpler days when one parent could take him to the park while the other enjoyed some alone time, a concept that now seems as fantastical as unicorns and money trees.

That dynamic is impossible now with 3 children (hope no one will hate what I'm saying, but let's be honest here). We can take all 3 kids to the park, but it's less of a relaxing activity and more of a high-stakes surveillance operation. There's no such thing as "chilling in another room" anymore, especially with my daughter Livia at just 18 months old, who possesses an almost supernatural ability to detect any parent attempting to relax and will inevitably find them to demand attention.

Research confirms this experience, showing that parents with multiple children typically spend less one-on-one time with each child compared to parents of only children. But I do try to carve out these precious moments with each of them whenever I can. I'm acutely aware that the middle child often suffers the most from attention deficit, so I make special efforts with Teo. Still, I admit that maybe once every 2-3 weeks is all that's possible for a one-on-one "date" with each child. I hope this will improve as Livia gets older and needs less constant supervision.

The Unique Beauty of Each Child

When Tur was born, I thought there could never be a more beautiful boy. He was everything to me as my firstborn, with his strong name chosen to reflect the strength I hoped he'd develop. Yet nature had its own plans - he grew into a sensitive, honest, curious, and talented child. He's naturally extroverted, sociable, and kind - qualities that make him shine in his own special way.

As a baby, Tur was so difficult with sleep. We tried everything, early baths to help him wind down, consistent routines but he would often stay awake until midnight. That strong-willed character was evident even when he was just a year and a half, boldly saying "no" to bath time! He spoke earlier than either of his siblings, surprising us with "ajde" (come on, in Serbian) and showing his verbal intelligence from the start.

Then Teo arrived, proving me wonderfully wrong about no child being as beautiful as my first. He was so cute and soft - "fofo" as we say in Portuguese. He surprised us all by being the first to walk at just 11 months old - setting a family record! While he's shy in public settings, at home he reveals his stubborn, determined personality. He can be temperamental, sometimes crying to get what he wants, though he's calmed considerably in recent months. His artistic side shines through, he draws and paints better than his brother did at the same age. What's most striking about Teo is that if you approach him gently and speak nicely, everything is achievable. He responds to kindness with cooperation, a completely different dynamic than his brother.

Then came Livia, once again proving that a mother's heart can expand endlessly. I've never seen such a cute baby, though I recognize that all mothers feel this way about their children. It's like an instinctual blindness that helps us protect and cherish our babies. I chose her name both for its beautiful melody and because it signifies peace - I wanted her to bring serenity to our home, which her sweet nature does wonderfully.

The Middle Child Magic: Finding His Spotlight

Being a middle child isn't for the faint of heart, especially when sandwiched between a charismatic firstborn and an adorable baby. Teo has the herculean task of outshining both cute little Livia with her irresistible baby charm and super-smart Tur who effortlessly commands attention in any room he enters. No matter where we go, Tur is the one singing loudly in the choir, dancing without a hint of self-consciousness, or confidently speaking up at programming workshops. He's remarkably easy-going and intellectually ahead of his age, a natural spotlight-stealer without even trying.

Yet in this challenging middle position, Teo is quietly developing strengths that might serve him better in the long run. His independence isn't just happenstance, it's his clever adaptation to family dynamics. When your older brother is always first and your baby sister naturally requires more care, you learn to solve problems on your own. You create your own path.

I see Teo carefully observing everything, processing deeply, and cultivating his artistic talents in ways that are uniquely his own. His competitive spirit isn't just sibling rivalry, it's his way of saying "I'm here too, and I have my own gifts to share." The quiet determination with which he approaches his drawings, the way he methodically arranges his toys, the thoughtful questions he asks when no one's rushing him, these are the markers of a mind that might one day surprise us all.

And deep in my heart, I know Teo will achieve great things in his own way and time. I recognize parts of myself in him and in Tur too. As a child, I was a blend of both their personalities. Like Teo, I had moments of quietness and careful observation, but like Tur, I knew how to speak up and defend myself when needed. I wasn't overly shy with adults and loved school activities. I had Tur's boldness in showing what I wanted, became rebellious as a teenager, and even more of a fighter as a university student. Yet beneath it all, my nature was always fundamentally calm, even now, I prefer working from home to constant social engagement.

What Research Tells Us

Child development experts have extensively studied the impact of genetics versus environment on personality. While genes provide the blueprint for temperament (characteristics like activity level, emotional intensity, and sociability), environment shapes how these traits express themselves.

A fascinating study from the University of California found that about 50% of personality differences among people can be attributed to genetic factors. The other half comes from environmental influences including parenting style, sibling relationships, and broader cultural contexts.

Embracing Individual Differences

The guilt is real and constant, it follows me like a particularly dedicated shadow. When I'm with one of the kids, I worry I'm neglecting the other two. When I'm working, I feel guilty I'm not with my children, and when I'm with my children, I worry about what I've forgotten at work. It's like playing an impossible game of emotional Tetris where none of the pieces ever quite fit perfectly. It's a stressful balance, a real battle sometimes. I know I can't do it all perfectly, I'm only human, despite my occasional attempts at superhero status. But I dedicate myself fully to my work, trying to be the best I can be, and I bring that same commitment to my family life.

There are probably no universal rules about which personality types should come first in a family. Each combination creates its own beautiful dynamic. But watching our three very different children, all lovely in their own ways, interact, learn from each other, and build their relationships is perhaps the greatest joy of parenthood, even on days when they've turned the living room into something resembling a disaster movie set.

In the end, each personality is beautiful in its own way. The only things that truly matter are that we grow to be good people who respect each other and maintain strong values and qualities. The real beauty lies in our differences, just as it does in nature itself. Our family is a small ecosystem of distinct personalities, each contributing something essential to the whole. In our differences, we find harmony, and in our love for each other, we find home.