Our children's names carry our hopes, dreams, and cultural identities. They're often the first gift we give them, carefully chosen to reflect what we wish for their futures or to honor our family histories. In my family, with its blend of Serbian and Brazilian cultures, choosing names became an even more meaningful journey.

The Stories Behind Their Names

For our firstborn, we wanted a strong name that would cross cultural boundaries. Artur (Tur, as we affectionately call him) was perfect recognizable in both our cultures while carrying a sense of strength and nobility. The name comes from Celtic origins meaning "bear" or "stone," symbolizing strength and solidity. We hoped he would grow into a confident, strong person who could navigate life's challenges with certainty.

When our second son was on the way, we discussed many options, but surprisingly, it was Tur who had the final say. We mentioned "Mateo" (meaning "gift of God") among the possibilities, and Tur, not yet three years old, could pronounce it perfectly. From that moment on, he referred to his future baby brother only as "Teo," becoming genuinely upset if we suggested alternative names. The choice was made and our middle child would be Mateo, Teo for short, a gift from God chosen in part by his big brother.

For our daughter, I wanted a name with a beautiful melody that would also symbolize peace. Olivia (Livia, as we call her) means "olive tree," an ancient symbol of peace and harmony. I hoped she would bring a sense of serenity to our busy household of boys, though her current penchant for removing all her clothes and demanding only specific t-shirts suggests she may have some strong-willed ideas of her own!

Energy Dynamics Between Siblings

What's particularly fascinating is how these three distinct personalities create their own energy ecosystem in our home. Tur, being naturally energetic, sets a high-energy tone in our household. When my husband takes care of all three, I often hear them running around the house playing "robot chase" or having pillow battles, games that escalate in excitement and volume.

The contrast between parents' play styles is also notable. My husband naturally gravitates toward physical, high-energy play that gets all three children racing around. In contrast, I tend to engage them in artistic activities and imaginative play with Teo's Sonic characters and stuffed animals. While I might lose interest after about 10 minutes, I can spend hours crafting with them. This difference in play styles provides children with a balanced range of stimulation and learning experiences.

Navigating Play Styles

The interaction between my sons during play offers a fascinating window into their personalities. Teo, despite being younger at just 4 years old, is the one who introduces competitive elements where characters "die" or lose. "Your character is dead now!" he'll announce dramatically during play, not fully understanding the concept that sometimes others need to win too. Meanwhile, Tur becomes quite upset when his character keeps dying at the hands of his little brother. It's interesting to see how Teo is actually more creative with toys than Tur. Tur has always needed company and someone to guide play, while Teo naturally invents scenarios and stories with his toys.

I'll never forget our kids playing with the water and hose - they were always splashing around. One day, I accidentally left a bottle of detergent outside, and before I could blink, they had turned our backyard into their own impromptu foam party! It's in these physical, unstructured activities where they truly unite and find common ground. Despite their different personalities and frequent disagreements with toys, when it comes to making mischief with water or creating chaos together (those little troublemakers!), they become the perfect team. These moments of spontaneous joy show how children find their own ways to play together, discovering activities where their differences actually complement rather than compete with each other.

Protective Instincts and Sibling Bonds

What warms my heart most is seeing how they protect each other outside the home. Recently at a science workshop, when a little girl criticized Teo for "spilling water incorrectly," Tur immediately defended his brother. This confirmed for me that perhaps having the more confident, outspoken child come first in the birth order creates a natural protective dynamic, exactly what I'd hoped for.

These protective instincts often emerge in unexpected ways. While they might squabble endlessly at home over toys or attention, there's an unspoken alliance when they're in unfamiliar territory. Tur instinctively steps into the role of guide and protector for his younger siblings, and even Teo shows surprising gentleness toward baby Livia when she's upset.

Growing Together Through Play

Children's play isn't just about fun, it's their most important work. Through play, they process emotions, learn social skills, develop cognitive abilities, and form their understanding of the world. Watching my three little ones engage in different types of play has given me insights into their developing minds that I might have missed otherwise.

Tur, with his logical mind, often approaches play as a set of rules to be followed. He likes knowing how games work and can become frustrated when things don't go according to plan. His play often involves scenarios with clear roles and objectives.

Teo, on the other hand, approaches play with creative freedom. He's less concerned with "the right way" to play and more interested in exploring possibilities. His artistic nature shows in how he arranges toys in unusual combinations or invents stories that don't necessarily follow conventional logic.

Little Livia, still in the early stages of play development, approaches everything with enthusiastic experimentation. Her favorite "game" currently involves emptying containers and filling them again, drawers, cabinets, boxes, nothing is safe from her curious hands! She observes her brothers intently, already trying to mimic their play styles in her own toddler way.

As They Grow: Future Chapters

As for what little Livia will bring to our family story? The early signs are delightfully strong-willed. Just today, she took off all her clothes, screaming that she didn't want them, despite not yet speaking actual words! She simply puts her arms up like a little bird, curves her body downward, and makes an odd sound: "Aaaah" to scare the opponent." Then she marched over to her drawer, pulled out only her Bluey and Bingo t-shirt, and made it clear that's all she wanted to wear. She also constantly heads to the kitchen and fridge, already showing her independence.

It seems our third might be combining her brothers' personalities, taking Tur's determination and Teo's expressiveness to create something entirely her own. And isn't that the magic of childhood? Just when you think you've seen it all, your child shows you something completely new.

I managed to find ways to guide Tur toward obedience, but it was definitely not easy. Teo seems naturally more responsive to direction or perhaps I'm simply more of an expert parent now. (We'll never know which explanation is correct though I suspect it's a bit of both!)

As they grow, their ways of playing together will evolve. The simple joy of a foam party will give way to more complex games and interactions. Their personalities will continue to develop, influenced by each other as much as by their parents. But I hope that the foundations we're building now, of creativity, protection, and finding joy in each other's company, will remain throughout their lives.

In the beautiful chaos of raising these three distinct personalities, I've come to see that the greatest gift isn't in shaping them to be exactly as we imagined, but in creating a space where they can become their authentic selves, while learning to appreciate the differences in others. Through names chosen with love and play that builds bonds, we're weaving the fabric of a family that celebrates uniqueness while finding strength in togetherness.

When we become parents, one of the most fascinating discoveries is watching our children's personalities unfold. While we might imagine we'll shape them completely, research suggests that babies are indeed born with temperamental traits that serve as the foundation of their personalities something like a genetic lottery where some tickets say "will sleep through the night" and others read "will test every boundary known to humankind."

As a mother of three children, my oldest son is 7 years and 4 months, my middle son is 4 years and a few months, and my daughter is just a year and a half, I've had a front-row seat to this remarkable phenomenon. Each child arrived with their own distinct temperament from day one, which has only become more defined as they've grown.

The Firstborn Effect

I always wanted my firstborn to be a boy. Being the older sister to a brother myself (5 years younger), I grew up feeling like I was navigating life without the guidance of an older sibling. I watched my cousin, who had an older sister, seem more informed about everything from movies to music, always a step ahead. I wanted my firstborn child to have that confidence and leadership role.

What I've learned through raising my three children is that birth order does influence family dynamics significantly. My oldest, Tur, naturally leads his siblings. We've noticed that focusing on teaching him to be obedient and respectful creates a ripple effect, his younger siblings often follow his example. Child development experts call this "modeling," where younger children observe and imitate their older siblings' behaviors.

The Undivided Attention Phase

The transition from one child to multiple children completely transforms parenting. With Tur as our only child, we kept him, as we say in Serbian, "like a little water on the palm", treasured and constantly attended to. I remember those simpler days when one parent could take him to the park while the other enjoyed some alone time, a concept that now seems as fantastical as unicorns and money trees.

That dynamic is impossible now with 3 children (hope no one will hate what I'm saying, but let's be honest here). We can take all 3 kids to the park, but it's less of a relaxing activity and more of a high-stakes surveillance operation. There's no such thing as "chilling in another room" anymore, especially with my daughter Livia at just 18 months old, who possesses an almost supernatural ability to detect any parent attempting to relax and will inevitably find them to demand attention.

Research confirms this experience, showing that parents with multiple children typically spend less one-on-one time with each child compared to parents of only children. But I do try to carve out these precious moments with each of them whenever I can. I'm acutely aware that the middle child often suffers the most from attention deficit, so I make special efforts with Teo. Still, I admit that maybe once every 2-3 weeks is all that's possible for a one-on-one "date" with each child. I hope this will improve as Livia gets older and needs less constant supervision.

The Unique Beauty of Each Child

When Tur was born, I thought there could never be a more beautiful boy. He was everything to me as my firstborn, with his strong name chosen to reflect the strength I hoped he'd develop. Yet nature had its own plans - he grew into a sensitive, honest, curious, and talented child. He's naturally extroverted, sociable, and kind - qualities that make him shine in his own special way.

As a baby, Tur was so difficult with sleep. We tried everything, early baths to help him wind down, consistent routines but he would often stay awake until midnight. That strong-willed character was evident even when he was just a year and a half, boldly saying "no" to bath time! He spoke earlier than either of his siblings, surprising us with "ajde" (come on, in Serbian) and showing his verbal intelligence from the start.

Then Teo arrived, proving me wonderfully wrong about no child being as beautiful as my first. He was so cute and soft - "fofo" as we say in Portuguese. He surprised us all by being the first to walk at just 11 months old - setting a family record! While he's shy in public settings, at home he reveals his stubborn, determined personality. He can be temperamental, sometimes crying to get what he wants, though he's calmed considerably in recent months. His artistic side shines through, he draws and paints better than his brother did at the same age. What's most striking about Teo is that if you approach him gently and speak nicely, everything is achievable. He responds to kindness with cooperation, a completely different dynamic than his brother.

Then came Livia, once again proving that a mother's heart can expand endlessly. I've never seen such a cute baby, though I recognize that all mothers feel this way about their children. It's like an instinctual blindness that helps us protect and cherish our babies. I chose her name both for its beautiful melody and because it signifies peace - I wanted her to bring serenity to our home, which her sweet nature does wonderfully.

The Middle Child Magic: Finding His Spotlight

Being a middle child isn't for the faint of heart, especially when sandwiched between a charismatic firstborn and an adorable baby. Teo has the herculean task of outshining both cute little Livia with her irresistible baby charm and super-smart Tur who effortlessly commands attention in any room he enters. No matter where we go, Tur is the one singing loudly in the choir, dancing without a hint of self-consciousness, or confidently speaking up at programming workshops. He's remarkably easy-going and intellectually ahead of his age, a natural spotlight-stealer without even trying.

Yet in this challenging middle position, Teo is quietly developing strengths that might serve him better in the long run. His independence isn't just happenstance, it's his clever adaptation to family dynamics. When your older brother is always first and your baby sister naturally requires more care, you learn to solve problems on your own. You create your own path.

I see Teo carefully observing everything, processing deeply, and cultivating his artistic talents in ways that are uniquely his own. His competitive spirit isn't just sibling rivalry, it's his way of saying "I'm here too, and I have my own gifts to share." The quiet determination with which he approaches his drawings, the way he methodically arranges his toys, the thoughtful questions he asks when no one's rushing him, these are the markers of a mind that might one day surprise us all.

And deep in my heart, I know Teo will achieve great things in his own way and time. I recognize parts of myself in him and in Tur too. As a child, I was a blend of both their personalities. Like Teo, I had moments of quietness and careful observation, but like Tur, I knew how to speak up and defend myself when needed. I wasn't overly shy with adults and loved school activities. I had Tur's boldness in showing what I wanted, became rebellious as a teenager, and even more of a fighter as a university student. Yet beneath it all, my nature was always fundamentally calm, even now, I prefer working from home to constant social engagement.

What Research Tells Us

Child development experts have extensively studied the impact of genetics versus environment on personality. While genes provide the blueprint for temperament (characteristics like activity level, emotional intensity, and sociability), environment shapes how these traits express themselves.

A fascinating study from the University of California found that about 50% of personality differences among people can be attributed to genetic factors. The other half comes from environmental influences including parenting style, sibling relationships, and broader cultural contexts.

Embracing Individual Differences

The guilt is real and constant, it follows me like a particularly dedicated shadow. When I'm with one of the kids, I worry I'm neglecting the other two. When I'm working, I feel guilty I'm not with my children, and when I'm with my children, I worry about what I've forgotten at work. It's like playing an impossible game of emotional Tetris where none of the pieces ever quite fit perfectly. It's a stressful balance, a real battle sometimes. I know I can't do it all perfectly, I'm only human, despite my occasional attempts at superhero status. But I dedicate myself fully to my work, trying to be the best I can be, and I bring that same commitment to my family life.

There are probably no universal rules about which personality types should come first in a family. Each combination creates its own beautiful dynamic. But watching our three very different children, all lovely in their own ways, interact, learn from each other, and build their relationships is perhaps the greatest joy of parenthood, even on days when they've turned the living room into something resembling a disaster movie set.

In the end, each personality is beautiful in its own way. The only things that truly matter are that we grow to be good people who respect each other and maintain strong values and qualities. The real beauty lies in our differences, just as it does in nature itself. Our family is a small ecosystem of distinct personalities, each contributing something essential to the whole. In our differences, we find harmony, and in our love for each other, we find home.

When you have more kids, there's this constant dance of trying to give each child what they need while battling the guilt that someone might be getting less attention. This is our story about Teo, my middle child, and our journey through speech delay and finding confidence – a story I hope might comfort other parents walking similar paths.
Teo is exactly three years younger than his big brother Tur. By November 2022, when Teo turned two, I found myself counting his words, growing more worried with each tally. He had a small collection of sounds – some animal noises, "mom," "dad," "milk," "water," and "egg" a mix of Serbian and Brazilian Portuguese words. But children his age typically had much larger vocabularies, and I couldn't help but worry.
In February 2023, with another baby on the way, we saw our first speech therapist. The good news? There were no mechanical issues – his speech instruments were perfectly fine. He was simply delayed. But the sessions were tough. Teo would cry more than speak, and being pregnant while watching him struggle was emotionally draining. As summer approached, with a new house purchase and a baby on the way, we decided to pause the sessions, hoping time would help.
Those months were full of changes. I was still breastfeeding Teo until February, and then as my pregnancy progressed, he started sleeping with his dad. We've always believed that young children should share beds as long as they need that closeness. When his baby sister Liv arrived in August 2023, Teo moved to sharing a bunk bed with Tur. Those first months were a delicate balance – my husband helping with night feedings after my third C-section, lifting the baby for me since I couldn't.
By November 2023, with Liv about four months old, Teo had made some progress. He could say simple phrases like "hoću vodu" (I want water) in a somewhat lazy way. He was engaged and happy in activities, but still not speaking in full sentences. That's when we found a wonderful therapist in a shopping center near the capital. She was amazing – Teo felt comfortable with her right away. We started with the basics: vocabulary for household items, lots of pictures that I'd cut out and organize. She gave me homework, and I worked with him every day, showing images and gently encouraging him to talk.
Then something magical happened. After about two months of therapy, around January 2024, Teo surprised us. Instead of speaking Serbian, which we were practicing in therapy, he suddenly started speaking full sentences in Portuguese with his dad! This coincided with my husband leaving his job to help more with the kids. Looking back, we wonder if having my mom stay with us for four months after Livia's birth (speaking Serbian) might have caused some language confusion for him.
Month by month, his Portuguese flourished. Now, a year later, he's quite fluent, though he still has some pronunciation challenges – struggling with "k," "g," and sometimes substituting "w" sounds for "k" or "t." But as his speech improved, we started noticing something else that had always been there but was overshadowed by our focus on his speech: his shy, conservative nature.
Unlike his outgoing brother Tur, who would happily interact with strangers and other children even as a baby in Brazil, Teo has always been more reserved. As a baby, he only allowed close family members to hold him. The first real red flag came in April 2024 at a birthday party with about 30 children. While Tur jumped right in to play, Teo stayed close to me and eight-month-old Livia, saying he was scared and overwhelmed by all the kids.
Recently, about a month and a half ago, we started him in kindergarten. We'd prepared by having him attend a kids program from September to December 2024, where he'd go for two hours weekly to learn about drawing and numbers. Though he wanted to go, he wouldn't speak to the teacher or other children, even in very small groups.
The kindergarten transition has been challenging. He seems traumatized, thinking I'm leaving him alone. Now he even cries at playgrounds where he used to be fine staying for a couple of hours. Moreover, he's almost stopped speaking Serbian entirely, responding to my Serbian questions in Portuguese. It's been tough hearing one teacher's comments about his "odd" behavior of not interacting.
But we're not giving up. We're trying new approaches. Since Teo loves drawing and more introverted activities, and often feels more secure with his brother around, we're planning to enroll both boys in a chemistry experiments school. Maybe this gentler exposure to other children, focused on interesting activities rather than direct social interaction, will help him gradually build confidence.
I'm sharing this story to encourage other parents whose bilingual children might be speech delayed. If your child understands everything you say, responds to their name, makes eye contact – trust that everything will be okay. I firmly believe that Teo's social anxiety and current reluctance to speak Serbian will improve with time. Some children simply need more time, and that's the magic of it – we're all different, developing at our own pace.
The key is patience and lots of love, without pushing too hard. Let them find their way, support them through their challenges, and celebrate their unique journey. After all, isn't that what parenting is all about? Understanding and accepting our children exactly as they are, while gently helping them grow stronger.